money is way more than just the act of putting flame to silk-impregnated
paper -- it's a state of mind. If you've ever felt that the commercialization
of American society and culture is way out of control and that we need to
get a handle on our relationship with and worship of the Almighty Dollar,
you could be a prospect to become an altar boy, novitiate, doctor of divinity,
or even one day Assistant Low Priest in the First National Church of PyroCash.
considering such a bold move as joining this burgeoning priesthood, you
should try it out for yourself to see if moneyburning is for you. Start
at the bottom -- a single dollar bill is fine for beginners -- and slowly
work your way up through the denominations. After about a month of steadfast
daily religious practice, you may be ready to fire up your first hundred-dollar
bill. During this process, you may find it useful to keep a diary of your
spiritual growth. As the bill begins to burst into flame, observe carefully
how this act of patriotic rebellion makes you feel. Is there a tingling
in your fingers as you clutch your match or Zippo? Do you hum The Battle
Hymn of the Republic or other jingoistic anthem? Do you find yourself
strangely compelled to hang onto the flaming bill a second or two longer
than you really should?
Even with tax-exempt status, all churches struggle just to get by, and are sorely and continually in need of assistance. Having discovered the ecstasy and rapture this act can cause, you may experience a feeling of extreme gratitude toward us and want to express it. This is perfectly normal. At such times, you may be saying to yourself: But, lucidscreamers! I'm just one guy. What could I possibly do to help?
We'll be blunt. We require a steady infusion of funds to continue our reprehensibly subversive activities in service to society and the greater good. An organization such as ours literally needs cash to burn, and yours will do nicely. Any money you donate to lucidscreaming through PayPal [VISA and MasterCard are accepted: click on the link below] will be joyously burned in your name at our next cash conflagration! Give generously -- and often!
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DISCLAIMER: If you must incinerate money, please do so responsibly -- and at your own risk.
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